There’s one word that makes even seasoned international educators groan – sometimes out loud. It’s not “compliance.” It’s not “commission.”
It’s networking.
Yes, the dreaded N-word.
Next week, over 8,000 of us will descend on San Diego for the annual NAFSA conference – our field’s yearly pilgrimage. A global gathering of thinkers, dreamers, dealmakers, and doers. And amid all the sessions, receptions, and coffee-fueled rendezvous, there’s one ritual we all engage in, whether we admit it or not: networking.
But here’s the thing. Most of us are doing it wrong.
When Networking Becomes Noise
Somewhere along the way, networking became a numbers game. Collect business cards. Add on LinkedIn. Book back-to-back meetings. Rinse, repeat, forget.
The problem isn’t the act of connecting – it’s the intent. Too many people show up to conferences ready to pitch, sell, or transact. Conversations become auditions. Relationships become transactions. And the human element gets lost in the race to close the deal.
There’s a certain kind of person who works the room with clinical precision. They’ve got their elevator pitch polished, their follow-up emails templated, and their badge scanned more times than a QR code at a coffee shop. But ask them six months later who they truly connected with – and the silence is telling.
While they’ve spent their whole time trying to be seen and heard, they’ve missed the opportunity to truly connect and to actually build something that lasts.
Because visibility is not the same as value. Recognition is not the same as respect. And showing up everywhere doesn’t mean you’ve shown up for anyone.
The Illusion of Access
Here’s a deeper truth: most people at conferences don’t want to connect. They want access. And access is not the same as a relationship.
We target job titles instead of people. We chase clout, not conversation. And in the process, we flatten human beings into business development opportunities.
“Oh, you’re the Director of Global Engagement? Let me tell you about our platform.”
It’s networking as extraction. We engage when someone has something we need. And we disengage the moment they don’t.
If we’re not careful, the conference floor becomes a marketplace of performative proximity – where people are valued for their perceived influence, not their insights.
And then there’s what I call the ladder effect.
There’s an unspoken power hierarchy baked into how we network at events like NAFSA. People scan badges before they make eye contact. Titles matter more than insight. Booth size signals importance. And conversations often begin with an assessment: Are you worth my time?
It’s a form of status-chasing dressed up as professional networking.
“Who do you work for?” often overshadows “What do you care about?”
The booths with the biggest budgets dominate the narrative, while those doing deep, transformational work are often drowned out in the noise.
It’s the ladder effect in action – status-chasing dressed up as professional networking.
Instead of treating people as rungs to climb, an effective networker should approach them as collaborators to build with.
Real connection begins when we stop networking up and start connecting across – when we stop seeing people as ladders and start treating them as collaborators.
Everyone’s looking for a “global partner.” But too often, “partnership” is used as a transactional term – not a transformational one.
A real partner doesn’t just show up when they need something. They show up because they believe in something.
They ask more than they offer.
Listen more than they speak.
And share the risk – and the reward.
So if you find yourself asking someone to be a “partner,” ask yourself this first: Are you ready to be one?
The most meaningful relationships I’ve built at NAFSA – and beyond – started without an agenda. A shared laugh in a hallway. A genuine question during a session. A conversation over lukewarm coffee that had nothing to do with business but everything to do with being human.
Transformational networking isn’t about who you know. It’s about what you co-create.
It starts with curiosity.
It’s rooted in alignment.
And it grows through shared intention, not shared calendars.
The best collaborators I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with are the ones who listened. We found each other in overlapping missions, not overlapping markets.
Here’s my “10 Conversation Challenge” for you for next week:
For your first 10 conversations at NAFSA, don’t talk about yourself.
No title. No institution. No pitch.
Just questions like:
- “What brought you into this field?”
- “What’s something you’ve changed your mind about in the last year?”
- “What are you wrestling with right now?”
It might feel weird. Vulnerable. Maybe even pointless. But by the tenth conversation, you just might remember what real connection feels like.
And if you’re looking to network more meaningfully, here are five small shifts that make a big difference:
- Be Curious, Not Clever: Ask people what brought them to international education. You’ll learn more than you ever would from a sales pitch.
- Ask Unexpected Questions: Try, “What excites you right now?” or “What’s the one thing in your work no one talks about but should?”
- Listen With No Agenda: Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Be present. You’ll be surprised what people share when they feel heard.
- Follow Up Like a Human, Not a CRM: Reference something specific. Invite a real conversation. Skip the “It was great to meet you” email unless it’s followed by something that matters.
- Play the Long Game: Maybe there’s no deal today. That’s fine. Plant the seed anyway. The most fruitful partnerships often bloom years later.
The New Networking Manifesto
Let’s stop pretending this industry needs more contacts. What it really needs is more courage.
More depth. More honesty. More intention.
– No more collecting contacts we’ll never call.
– No more selling before seeing.
– No more pretending connection is currency.
Instead
– Let’s build with intention.
– Let’s listen with curiosity.
– Let’s show up, not to transact, but to transform.
This is what real networking looks like. So let’s stop settling for less.
NAFSA Is What You Make It
If you’re heading to NAFSA to check a box, network aggressively, and stack your contact list – you’ll leave with quantity. But if you show up to see people, not just be seen – you might just walk away with something that lasts: a new idea, a shared vision, a future collaborator.
I’m looking forward to leaning into the unscripted moments.
To slow conversations over fast follow-ups.
To chasing alignment over applause.
Because in a world full of connections, it’s still the relationships that matter.
See you in San Diego. And if you want to connect, just bring your story. I’ll bring mine.
Ex Cogitatione, Progressus.
Girish
